To take care restrain taking care

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               “To take care restrain taking care”

It is unambiguous that parents love their children from the bottom of their hearts. They put their hundred percent to have the perfect upbringing for their children. They love them. They take care of them. But even then the results are not so satisfactory. There are innumerable parents who are not satisfied with thier children’s behaviour and there is no dearth of children who oppose their parents and disapproves their paternal behaviour. Parents often say, “My son never obeys me. What i say him to do, his actions are exactly the opposite. I have tried to inculcate wisdom in him by love and even sometimes by scold, but eventually i failed. I really don’t know what to do”. On the other hand the children say, “oh! I don’t like my parents. They always hovers upon us. They are very sticky as if we can’t take care of ourselves.”  Both are right and both are wrong from some aspects. Parents try to control their child fully according to their whims and wishes. They want their sons to study the subjects what they like him to study. They want their sons to join the sports clubs of their own choice. They even want their sons to to marry a girl of their choice. It is extreme but it is the bitter reality of the day. On the other hand teenagers want to stay aloof from their parents’ commanding shadow. They want to live totally free. Now a days they don’t want to even hear a word from their parents side in what they want to do.It is the other extreme from the children side. Teenagers must remember that they have much less experience as compared to elders and they can’t turn down anything and everything of the elders without serious consideration. In our real practical life knowledge matters, or we can say bookish knowledge matters, but only knowledge without the context of age experience may prove futile. Our life has always taught us the real life experience does matter. And that real life experience is neither going to come from books nor internet because there are many things in the world which can’t be said so openly in the world, as such things may prove useful to some and harmful to others. Such real life practical and secret things can only be learnt in the intimacy of the elders and within tge proper context. If we see from the parents side, parents use the love method, hate method, but they never use the controlled freedom method. Often when the freedom method is talked about, great fuss comes to the forefront asserting that it will spoil the child and the second question is how can we define control over freedom. The answer is the freedom has to be given to the children, it is ofcourse beyond doubt, and that freedom is to be controlled according to real life situations. This is only the thing that parents are missing. This method can work wonders as compared to love and hate methods. Children should be dealt with logic and reasoning not by using coercive physical powers or emotional tortures. I have heard once a student asked his parents that he wanted to pursue the law degree as he wanted to be an advocate. His dad shouted, “Shut up you fool! You are not wise enough to take such decisions. What i say follow it. Don’t try to question.” After hearing these sharp words, he never dared to ask the reason why. But his certainly had lost his repect in the eyes of his young child. Now it has become obvious that sooner or later he is going to defy his father’s authority. In the future he is neither going to respect him nor obey him. Had his father told him the right reason that he could not afford the law degree for his son, then the results would have been quite different. If his father had become little honest then his son would have respected him more, obeyed him more. This is the second reason behind the constrained relations between parents and children i.e. the use of coercive force. So one should always keep these two points within his mind to have a smooth and healthy relation with his children.